Fool Me Once

It can never feel good to be cheated. Whether it be out of money, opportunity or a relationship. Its the nagging feeling of knowing that you never really had the chance to show your side of the story, give it your best shot or at least stand up and defend yourself. Its the feeling of disallusion, lack of consideration and selfish defiance that leaves you feeling like maybe you brought it on yourself. Maybe you were too naive to think it could never happen to you or perhaps you instigated the situation, but the reality is it doesn't feel good.

Attempting to explain a persons propensity to jip, deceive and undoubtedly disappoint another would be like trying to explain the complexities of life to the impressionable minds of kindergarteners...there's. just. no. easy. way. to. put. it.

In some regard, there is little doubt that we will all feel the uncomfortableness that feeling cheated brings with it. It could be the job promotion you weren't considered for merely because you may have flubbed once or you're still the rookie. There's no question in your mind that you're fully capable of undertaking the day-to-day activities of the position and with a little training a monkey could perform the tasks, but you're overlooked because you're new, young or inexperienced. Somehow in this predicament one's primitiveness leaves you missing out on an opportunity you know you can handle, but won't get a chance.

Then there's the getting cheated out of money scenario, perhaps reflecting society's most unfortunate flaws whereby people take advantage of another's innocence. The spectrum spans from not getting the correct change to dishing out money and not receiving what you had hoped. As is the case with many eBay and Craigslist transactions. Whereby, you're paying for one thing only to come up short or worse. It's happened to a couple of my friends and you hear it on the news all the time. "Man gets camera equipment stolen after answering ad on Craigslist for production services." Or, as was the case with a friend of mine, you purchase a seemingly authentic Tiffany's ring, trusting that the description, packaging, seller rating/reputation and faith in another person won't leave you with a ring that turns lime green and leaves your finger looking like it's in need of amputation. A slight exaggeration, but nevertheless the deception would leave anyone feeling broken, cheated and above all else-- foolish.

Then of course there is the literal interpretation of the word cheated. The one most of us has been familiar with since we began dating in middle school or propped our leg up on the cafeteria table to save a seat for the girl we had a crush on in kindergarten. Its the investment of yourself and quite often your feelings into someone and something. It's the trust you build with a person, be it a friend or partner. It's your history and the future. It's once again putting your faith in the hands of another individual only to have them crumble it up and throw it in your face. My theory is that you don't have to be in an exclusive relationship with an official title (or sadly facebook status) to feel cheated on. My past has certainly proven this to be true. I believe that any investment, commitment, respect, admiration or hint of loyalty you may have with your significant other, friend or relative lends itself to the possibility of having someone feel cheated.

As is the case in any one of these scenarios, the underlying thread is having your confidence and trust in a person being toiled with to only leave you feeling foolish in the end. So, the logical question is how much of this do we bring on ourselves? How much of this frustration and perhaps heartache are we responsible for? Some would argue that you really only bring it on yourself either out of gullibility or oblivion. I say that's just selfish and ignorant. As a person who values his friendships, especially as I've come to grow up more and more, there is no part of me that wants to keep my friends at a comfortable distance out of uncertaintly. Certainly, you'd think that a past riddled with deceit and selfishness would warrant a more cautious approach of maintaining friendships, but in most cases the good has always outweighed the unfortunate. I don't believe you ever really bring it on yourself, however that's not to say one should remain aloof. My belief is that if you draw the lines of distinction, apply the Golden Rule and surround yourself with good people, you can hopefully avert feeling cheated.

So what's one to do when you've let down your guard and you know you've been a good person and friend, only to have people close to you take advantage of that and completely disregard your feelings. Shame on me? or Shame on you? My hope would be that I'd demonstrated my loyalty and respect for them enough that they'd find the same level of respect or more for me. Apparently, my faith in humanity far exceeds those of a few select friends.

Its disheartening, frustrating, disappointing and of course one can't help feel foolish for letting down one's guard and getting sucker punched. Sometimes you have to stick with the morals and paradigm you've worked so hard to create. This may mean being too prideful to hear an explanation or being too stubborn to acknowledge that there are always two sides to a story. But you know, because you've been there before, that you can't go down the same path. You can't afford to miss out another job promotion, get short changed or feel foolish. You learned your lesson, picked up the scraps, rebuilt the foundation and vowed to never let it happen again.

So what do you do when you're faced with a predicament in which you have to put aside your pride and realize that losing a friend could be a whole lot worse than feeling foolish? I wish I had an answer. From the outside looking in, it is easy to dish advice. It seems logical and almost silly to give up on a friendship out of pride, but it never feels good to be cheated.

I think the only thing you can do is hope that those people you call your friends or the person you call your partner, has the same level of respect, dignity and cojones (balls) to be straightforward, honest and above all else sincere with you. Because you know what it's like to feel cheated and you'd never wish it on any one-- certainly not a friend.

captured.