There Are No Ordinary Moments

Once in a while I'll get into this philosophical mood where the idea of understanding one's existence and purpose in this world is fascinating to me. This week, I was in one of those moods and netflixed a movie called Peaceful Warrior based on a book by the same name by a former Berkeley gymnast named Dan Millman. Essentially, the movie is your typical athlete movie ala Rocky or Mighty Ducks but with an underlying philosophical theme with Nick Nolte (remember Rookie of the Year?) playing a "Socrates" character spewing philosophical wisdom at a young, athletic, hard-headed college gymnast. It was something that stuck with me though in the countless, I suppose cliche, moments in the movie in which Dan (the protagonist) comes to the realization that in life there are "no ordinary moments" and "there is always something going on." Sometimes, I can imagine, we're so wrapped in ourselves and the things we have to do, want to do, did and should have done that we fail to see what's right in front of us. Pivotal to the plot, is getting Dan to live in the present, forget about the past and worry less about the future. It's the here and now that makes life...interesting. On the same note, the young protagonist finds out on a 3 hour hiking trip up a mountain only to find "nothing" there except a rock, but learns that it's not the destination that makes us happy-- its the journey. I mean really think about that...is it applicable? Can that be true? That after going through the motions, whether up or down, its really about those motions that makes us? Not the finish line?

I guess a good example would be my transition to New York. I think back and can I assume that my journey to getting to my destination of choice, New York, was really the part that made me happy? Made me learn? Well, yes to an extent I guess its applicable, but then I think about being here and moving forward with my career. It's an entirely new journey and my job now is perhaps just one leg of that journey to a destination that I dream of, but somehow the idea of "the journey being the part that makes us happiest" seems lost when all you can help but feel is as though if you could only get to where you want to go you'll really be happy. I think the real idea behind that philosophy is that no matter how far you come, we're always looking to get somewhere else. You're always looking for the next level, the next milestone, the next-best-thing, you're looking to improve, enhance and advance yourself. There is where you lose sight of the present, of how far you've really come and where you're standing. Yea, I could see that. Especially with my life now. My goal was to get to an agency in New York. Mission accommplished. Now that I'm here, rather than really be here. I'm already thinking about how I can get a raise, how I can get to an Account Executive position, how long I should put in before I move on to my next job, where my next job should be, how I can afford to someday live in Manhattan....when all I really should be doing is looking around at the progress I've made. I'm living in New York, I have a fantastic apartment in Brooklyn, a job that pays more than some of my peers in the same industry are earning, my health, a few unnecessary luxurious etc. etc. etc. So why can't I be content, scratch that--- GRATEFUL, for how far I've come? Why are we constantly chasing the rabbit? Maybe we're afraid of staying stagnant? Maybe we're just not comfortable staying put in a comfort zone where it all seems to easy, mundane and trite. Maybe it is the journey that's exciting. The prospect of success and the dread of failure. Maybe its not that we're not happy, its that we've come to expect more of ourselves. Or maybe we're just afraid of being ordinary.

Today at work we had a potential new client coming into the office to meet with the President of my agency and a few managing directors. I had worked on the company's account once by disseminating a press release for them and now it seemed as though they'd want some more from the agency. This was my shot, I thought. I could finally prove to my superiors that I'm anxious, willing and motivated. I asked one of the managing directors if I could possibly sit in on the pitch. I had wrote the press release, set up the power point presentation and bound the presentations for the meeting. The managing directors response was that "we normally don't have assistant account executives sit in on new pitches." I was confused, offended and relieved all at once. It took a lot for me to even muster up enough courage to ask him to sit in on the pitch with the company's CEO and President, in addition to our agency's President despite knowing that people in my position don't sit in on those kinds of meetings. The managing director finally came around and said it would be OK for me to sit in on the pitch-- and I got excited (internally of course) and was ready for my first shot at sitting with the big players at the large round table in the big conference room. My first glimpse at where the money comes from...my shot to prove myself as a player in the world of investor relations/ public relations. I was ready! I got worked up, nervous and my hands wouldn't stop sweating (to which I tried airing them over a fan to keep from seeming all clammy when I shake the CEOs hand). Well, the meeting started at 10 A.M. today and I am sitting in my cube writing this blog entry. Needless to say, I didn't get a shot to sit in on the meeting. I was never summoned or notified the client was here or that they were ready to start. I'm hurt...was hurt. Is that my worth? I mean, I was willing and ready, and a simple shout would have sufficed! I don't get it. So, maybe he forgot-- big deal right? But--c'mon! I've always said that when I become a big shot in the industry, I'll always remember the struggle (journey?) it took me to actually get my foot in the door and reciprocate. I wonder how many big shots today said the same thing? But I really mean it-- I want to mean it. It's no fun.

So it comes full circle. Forget it. Move on and its really about right now. Me sitting in front of the computer venting to my blog (an electric diary). Haha. (sigh). Nice. That's all I can think of right now to write-- is Nice and with that-- I end this entry.