It Always Moves Faster Than You'd Expect

I realized today that I was "celebrating" my two months living independently as a New Yorker and recent grad. It's all been a bit of a hectic ride-- with much more ups than I can even keep track of. It's like the beginning of a rollercoaster where you just ascend-- and I'm hoping the drop never comes. It's been interesting to see how much I've changed in just these two months. I've touched on a bit of my new characteristics in a few of my previous posts-- but I really do feel much more grown up. I've also realized that I've managed to survive off my own means these past two months with no help from my parents. It may come as no surprise to some, but the fact that I can afford to pay my own way will never sit comfortably with me. At the same time I've managed to blow nearly every paycheck I've earned these past two months with a complete disregard for an attempt at saving. I'm in the moment. I'm living for now and I'm enjoying my life as 22-year-old in New York. If not now than when? I read an interesting quote from an article I came across-- basically it said that there is no dress rehearsal for life-- this is it, so what do we spend so much time preparing for? 

My friend LH just moved to the city yesterday and just speaking with him made me realize how much I've changed-- for the better of course. I think-- I know-- that I've grown more in these past two months than I ever did in college. That's not to say that I didn't mature in college, but it's a different type of maturity that comes with being independent, working and in a new city. I'm much more confident, rational, reasonable, realistic, driven, focused, oriented and happy. It's really great to be surrounded by so many people who are bright, care about things worth caring about and are genuine people fearless of how others my perceive them. You really do build your character in this city by finding your niche. I've met some incredible people who have stimulated my mind through intellectual conversation. I've expanded my horizons by delving into activities I may have otherwise never deemed interesting. I'm busy and it keeps me going. I've learned to sit more comfortably with myself...something I lost when I went to college trying to fit into this stereotype that just didn't suit me. But really what does that mean? To be comfortable sitting with myself? Honestly it's the serenity I find in sitting at home listening to some music, reading TIME magazine and cooking a quality meal that leaves me satisfied. It's also about sitting with friends and engaging in conversation fearless of voicing my perspective. It's comfort in yourself-- and not needing someone constantly around to fill the void of silence. It's a chance to relax. I suppose that's where all this self-realization (on Maslow's heirarchy of needs) comes from I suppose. It's the highest achieveable level of satisfaction (I can't believe I remember that from psychology). 

Two months-- wow. It's flown by faster than I ever imagined. I've loved every minute of it, but at the same time isn't interesting how the years in your life you seem to enjoy the most whiz by you? I mean where did 18-21 go really? Those five years went a helluva lot faster than 5-10 did. I would never want time to slow down, but perhaps its up to me to make sure I absorb as much of it as possible. These entries sure help. But really two months? I feel as though I just arrived last weekend. I'm still getting settled in my apartment, accustomed to the lifestyle of lugging groceries up 4 flights of stairs, buying MetroCards every 30 days, making time for possible subway delays etc. etc. etc. 

At the same time-- I am also beginning to realize the path I'd like my career to take. I'm learning that while life is steering me into one direction... my gut and instinct is telling me to go in another. By that I mean that perhaps the monetary comfort of corporate America isn't enough to keep me, but rather my appreciation and passion lies in entertainment and pop culture where perhaps the monetary rewards aren't reaped-- but my enjoyment and satisfaction is far more satisfied. It's an idea I've been toying with lately and I'm not quite ready to make any rash decisions as of yet-- but it's interesting to think about none-the-less. I would hate to look back and wish I had done things differently with my career. I really believe that now's the time to take the leaps regardless of the consequences. 

Two months in New York City-- that's nuts.