DRUnken Rant

I couldn't wait to get home tonight and write this entry. I'm so furious and frustrated right now with people and myself. I'm a bit buzzed after having a few drinks with some buddies, but none-the-less this entry merits its. I'm so angry. I'm sick of being the nice guy I discovered. I'm tired of people taking advantage of the fact that I'm to cowardly to speak up about certain things. It's interesting because if you ask people to describe me they usually say that I "speak my mind" and that I "take no bullshit" but what they don't know is that there is a lot more that goes on in my head than I say. For instance, I had a friend, RK, come into the city today and I thought it would be nice to take him to Coney Island to check out the Siren Festival with a bunch of free bands. Turns out that he got bored and wanted to leave after only seeing two bands. I let that slide. Then, he wanted to head back to my apt. before dinner to drop off his iPod. I let that slide even thought it was out of the way. Then, he droped my $250 phone on the ground SCRATCHING it, which really pissed me off, but in leu of coming off as a materialistic ass I let it slide. Internally, I was furious. I take care of my things. I appreciate the things I have. I work hard to get myself nice things and I paid for my phone with my own money, so when some schmuck comes and fucks it up for me after having it for a few months and not getting a scratch on it-- of course I'm going to make him feel bad about dropping it and scratching the face of it. WHAT THE FUCK? Don't I have a right? It's my gadget... I bought it...I take care of it. Then, after going out to Momo Fuko's (great by the way) we decide to go to some bars because he wants to go out and being the nice guy that I am, I say yes. Well, we hit up some bars-- spend more money than I want to spend and then...he has the audacity to tell me that I only live in Brooklyn because I can't afford to live in Manhattan and that my neighborhood is full of "african american people and we didn't pass one white person." I got pissed. First of all-- I was kind enough to offer him a place to stay when he said he wanted to come into the city for the weekend. I was ready and willing to set up him with an air mattress bed and everything. Second, I am so tired of people who don't know jack fuck about Brooklyn criticizing it for their naive, stereotypical, racist remarks. LIVE HERE FIRST AND THEN COMMENT ON IT. Sure, I don't live in an all white neighborhood and it could be characterized as a "caribbean" neighborhood, but that's not to say that these "african americans" are not people who want and desire the same things we all want. I've learned more about culture and life than these spoiled ass, ignorant fucks I call friends will ever know because there so wrapped up in their parents giving them limitless discretionary income. It really irritates me when I open my door to a so-called friend and all they can seem to do is draw some kind of conclusion assuming that they know what they are talking about. I'm tired of it. i really am, but you know what? I'm too much of a nice guy to say anything. I care too much about what my friends will say or that I will wind up with no friends if I really say what's on my mind. Take for instance my new roommate, I don't hate her by any sense of the word. I hardly see her for that matter and things haven't been at all as bad as they could have been in my old my apartment, but she's....... a lost puppy. She lacks the maturity level, respect and consideration that a 21-year-old female should have by her age. It's another aspect I'm sick of. I take the time to ensure that I am not showering or cooking in a shit hole of a place by cleaning and scrubbing the bathroom and kitchen area. ALL she can seem to do is make it as disgusting as humanely possible by leaving her half cooked noodles on the stove top and dirty dishes in the sink before running out and not returning back to the apartment for 2 days leaving me to clean the the pots and pans if I wish to use them. That's fucking ridiculous. To add to that...she lost her apartment keys a couple of weeks ago and has been so lazy as to not get a replacement of our mail key half expecting me to get one for us. Think again. But yet again, I have remained silent because I don't want to have any confrontation. I think maybe perhaps she's having a rough day-- or she's running late and she can't wash her dishes-- or that maybe I'm jumping too quickly to the gun and I'm a little OCD, but then I think well...why the hell do I have to be subject to her nasty ass style of living when I don't subject her to anything? I mean you would hardly know that I lived in the apartment because I'm so clean. There's nothing wrong with wanting a clean place to shower and a clean place to cook. TWO OF THE  MOST IMPORTANT AREAS OF THE APARTMENT THAT SHOULD REMAIN SPOTLESS. To many that don't really know me...you may think I'm neurotic, but then again you don't really know me. I'm not an unreasonable person. I'm a nice guy and that's why people around me take advantage of me. A huge part of me wants to say FUCK ALL OF YOU and never speak to some of the people I consider "friends" again. Half of you I have nothing in common with and the only reason I was friends with you was because of proximity. You were the nearest thing to me at the time and THAT'S what made us friends. The other half of you I enjoy your company. I enjoy our conversations and I can actually be my self around you. So why pretend? I'll tell you why... as I mentioned above...it's because I'm too much of a coward to say anything, but again... I'm done. I moved to New York to find myself. To learn more about who I was, start over and never fall back to this doormat of a person that I felt I  have become.  I huge part of me has been successful. I've managed to make some incredible friendships with people that stimulate my mind with good conversation and thought. Then there is the part of me that wants to remain friendly with those I have come to know from years in college...hoping that their visit will be something to entertain me. Well, it's become more of a burden lately than a release. To put it in the clearest of forms...don't expect anything from me if you're not really someone I value as a friend. This is a lesson i've had to cope with since I could remember. I've always seemed to have gone out on a limb for people and get nothing in return. Always disappointed. Always the ass who fell for it. Always the guy to get taken advantage of. Well-- this is my chance to say NO MORE.

While on the topic of disgust...I'm so sick of pessimistic people. People who have absolutely nothing positive to say about life or the world. WAKE THE FUCK UP PEOPLE... you only get one life. Why are you wasting it away with negative thoughts about how things don't fruition as you wanted them to be. I suppose you can say my rant above is a bit of a pessimistic outlook, but really it's a release of these tensions I've had building inside. You can learn to like me or learn to hate me, but there is no middle ground with me anymore. So, for some this all may seem harsh and come as such a surprise from "little ole Dru," but really? I'm 22. I'm an adult. Treat me like one with dignity and respect. I'm not your little brother you can step on. I'm not your cute neighbor you can be all chummy with and say anything you like because "you were just kidding around." 

Don't call me skinny because it's not a compliment. I hate it and you're not doing me a favor by saying it. You don't call a fat person fat no matter what the "social norm" may tell you.  Don't call me short because quite frankly it's not flattering. Don't call me Mexican because disgracing another heritage simply because they are doing jobs white people think they are too above doing isn't funny. It's disgusting. It's disrespectful and ignorant. I am Colombian. 100%. I don't pretend to be anything I am not. I've grown accustom to a lifestyle and that's all it is. Don't say I sell cocaine or that my family runs a drug ring because that's just idiotic. Again, it shows your minute sense of understanding and your ridiculously inappropriate "sense of humor." It's not original and it's fucking insulting. Don't tell me to relax when I confront you about your paradigm that can only be described as capsulated in an air tight bubble with absolutely no regard for what the world really has to offer. 

I don't appreciate judgments from people who think they know me because we've had the same crowd for a few years, but never once sat down to have a really conversation. Don't call me shallow or materialistic because I'm more appreciative and I've worked for more things than many of you spoiled brats may think or even know. It's so easy to make an assumption when you don't know all the details. Don't pretend we have something in common when you know there is nothing but a mutual acquaintance. 

To end this rant that has been more liberating than any of you could ever imagine... I'd like to say that for what it's worth... I thank each and every one of you who have come in and out of my life because without you I would have never learned what it is to have a TRUE friend and the stupid fucks I once possibly considered friends. 

And to those of you who may be wondering who it is that I consider a TRUE friend. You don't have to question you status because you just know..... and there's nothing much more to it.