To all my friends:
You know how the say you don't realize what you got till it's gone. Well that saying is fucking right. I mean c'mon I've been here for four fucking weeks, I've met some ridiculously cool people, saw ridiculously cool things, experienced ridiculously cool stuff and somehow it all reverts back to the people I'm comfortable with-- my friends.
I fucking miss everyone back home so much. I miss hanging out at the fraternity house... drinking... talking... that fucking skate board... the bitching... the slamming of doors... the just walking in and out of any room at any fucking moment and saying "hey what's going on?"
The people here are great, but it's so hard sometimes. It's hard because you don't have that fucking safety net, you don't have that one person you can run to just in case, or when something stupid happens to you and they'd completely understand because they know it's typical you. I miss that.
I'm here and I've wanted to be here and I still want to be here, but this whole experience would be heightened with my friends, my peeps... I feel like I'm struggling here... I'm not an anti-social person, I'm not the outcast, I'm not hanging out alone, but it's just not the fucking same.
It's tough sometimes...it'd be hard to understand when you guys are all around eachother all the time. I miss the familiarity... the safe... the known. There was never any question of who was your friend back there, who liked you, who you could go party with, who was up for a random night of drinking and who you tried to avoid. Here it's like everyone is in the same boat so you're kind of just forced to be hanging with eachother. Even if it's not particularly your crowd.
More than anything this is just a "What's up" to my friends back home. I never realized what type of friends I had or what type of friend I am. There are some genuine people back home that just ... get me.
It's funny cause I've always been so confident in knowing who I was and what I stood for. There was never any question. I knew what I liked, what I wanted and How I was going to get it. Here it's like I have a part of that, but I've lost a part of that. Sometimes it just seems like I'm pretending with these people. I fucking hate it. Trust me I try to snap myself out of this shit and it could just be the weather here that makes me feel down sometimes, but this blows.
I miss you guys.
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